From stressed out to serene: creating a relaxed human horse partnership

We’ve all come across tense horses on livery yards. Those that are ready to skit across the concrete with legs flying in all directions if a leaf scuttles across the floor, those none of us really want to hack out with because everybody comes back more stressed than if they’d just stayed at home and had a cup of tea, or those that start off seemingly with the lid on but start to boil over as more is asked of them. Riding them, you might feel like you are always slightly braced waiting for the next event, that you cant take the handbrake off because they will “just go” or that you have to “ride them through it” which means everything is going to be ugly and probably painful and dangerous for a while until the horse “submits.”

Eddie is naturally one of those tense horses. He can not cope with pressure, and although he had everything physically checked when he was struggling in dressage homes, either mentally or because there is something physically undetected, he very quickly gets to a point where life is too much. I was inspired to write this blog post after what could be considered a failed hack with Eddie yesterday. I did let myself be sad and think I failed for about 10 minutes until common sense and understanding of the situation set in and I was able to feet a bit more positive about things. I had to jump off about 20 minutes into my hack because I could feel Eddie getting really worried about some black sheep he could see over the hedge. We’d already had some close encounters with some awful car drivers and silly moments at things like patched up pot holes, both of which he had coped so well with despite being worried. The black sheep were the nail in the coffin and I jumped off before we lost our heads! I then ended up stuck off for most of our hack as I couldn’t find a step to get back on. Eddie is tall and I am short, plus I don’t like pulling on his back by mounting from the floor. Then we reached the really “gatey” part of our hack where I usually walk anyway because there are 4 difficult gates in a row. I only managed to remount for the last 15 minutes but that at least was successful.

And despite feeling a bit despondent as I marched beside Eddie with blistered feet, by the end I realised that we accomplished something huge; Eddie had been really terrified and I had done everything I could to understand that he didn’t need to react dramatically and that I had his best interests at heart. What Eddie understood from that hack was that his human listens, reassures, and stays calm, allowing him to do all of that too. At the end of the day, he had no idea we were meant to do the whole thing ridden.

Here’s some of the things I have found that have transformed our ability to relax and find softness together:

• Actions that shows I'm listening

  If Eddie gets stressed when I’m riding, one of the most powerful things I can do is jump off and stand beside him in a really calm posture. I honestly believe he appreciates me doing that for him and recognises it is me listening to him. You can see this in action in this Instagram video I made

• Breathwork

  It is so easy to breathe in a shallow tense way without realising. Sometimes I have got on Eddie feeling a bit flustered (why am I always running late for lessons?!) and as soon as I have started to focus on taking, slow deep breaths both our postures immediately change and soften. Concentrating on breathing slowly also gives me something to focus on that isn’t what might go wrong!

• Letting go of expectations and "shoulds"

  I think this might have been the key to success when working with Eddie. I have had to totally go with his flow and at his pace. For the first two years of knowing him I had no goals apart from try a bit of this, try a bit of that. Putting his needs first has done wonders for the trust we have in each other. Sometimes I feel like our journey has been very slow but perhaps we wouldn’t be where we are if it hadn’t been.